It has taken me a long time to figure out how to express my grief for Mrs. Candler. I cried all night when I found out she had passed. She was more than a good teacher, a fun teacher, a favorite teacher.
Being a young black girl, who just moved to a new school starting middle school. 13, riddled with identity, crisis, conservative values, and unsure of how to express myself honestly without “rocking the boat “. I was so accustomed to being a palatable girl, and keeping people happy and being happy – I had so little experience with feeling anger or negative emotions, and definitely did not know how to express them without fear of causing an issue or being seen differently… It never felt like it would be okay for me to be that way.
Stepping into her English class in seventh grade. She saw more than just the girl sitting in front of her who loved school and wanted to do well. She saw all of my desires, dreams, talent, and potential. She talked to me like a person who was forming -like she could see who I was going to be. She made me write a “letter” to an alias about how I was really feeling at the time in middle school and it was raw and upsetting and honest about feeling lost at 13 smh. We went over it together and I knew she would be important forever.
At the end of middle school, we made collages to commemorate all of our favorite memories, and she wrote a note on mine where she said “mark my words you’re going to be valedictorian”. This is before I even ever considered such a thing as a goal and I didn’t even find that note til just before senior year going through all my keepsakes. At that time, I just wanted to do school. I just wanted to be in cheer, in band, have friends and continue being a happy girl. I struggled a lot in middle school with figuring out how to be myself, who I felt I was, and also who I wanted to grow into, who I wanted to be and all in a new place… She showed me and guided me into writing, which turned out to be the medium through which I could be the most honest and vulnerable.
Because of her I got published at the age of 14 writing poetry. Because of her I wrote persistently every day- journaling, plays, poetry, essays all throughout grade school through college enough to want to start a sort of archive blog site in medical school, Mrs. Candler not only gave me the gift of writing, which I still do very intently, but because of how she saw me, I was even further inspired on how I wanted to move through the world, the way I already wanted to but didn’t know how to. I wanted to see people like she did. I wanted to meet people where they were, show them why they’re worthy, why they deserve to be loved, and to be heard. I wanted to be a carry humanity and compassion with me always and she showed me her way of doing that every class.
I wanted to be a good friend, care for people, nurture people, and I didn’t realize that I would come to do that both in my career, and in my friendships in relationships, but I did… and so her influence goes beyond English class. It colored my life in a way that few educators have, and I am so deeply sad that she is gone… but she lives on in the hearts of the people she saw, touched, and taught. She lives on in her children/family and I am just so so grateful for the woman that she was, the life that she led, the career path she chose, and the intersection of our journeys.
Rest in everlasting peace, Cynthia Candler